Mary Rowlandson - Captivity and Restoration
19/03/2015 20:42
Mary Rowlandson
Captivity and Restoration
The Twelfth Remove
It was upon a Sabbath-day-morning, that they prepared for their
travel. This morning I asked my master whether he would sell me
to my husband. He answered me "Nux," which did much rejoice my
spirit. My mistress, before we went, was gone to the burial of
a papoose, and returning, she found me sitting and reading in my
Bible; she snatched it hastily out of my hand, and threw it out
of doors. I ran out and catched it up, and put it into my
pocket, and never let her see it afterward. Then they packed up
their things to be gone, and gave me my load. I complained it
was too heavy, whereupon she gave me a slap in the face, and
bade me go; I lifted up my heart to God, hoping the redemption
was not far off; and the rather because their insolency grew
worse and worse.
But the thoughts of my going homeward (for so we bent our
course) much cheered my spirit, and made my burden seem light,
and almost nothing at all. But (to my amazement and great
perplexity) the scale was soon turned; for when we had gone a
little way, on a sudden my mistress gives out; she would go no
further, but turn back again, and said I must go back again with
her, and she called her sannup, and would have had him gone back
also, but he would not, but said he would go on, and come to us
again in three days. My spirit was, upon this, I confess, very
impatient, and almost outrageous. I thought I could as well
have died as went back; I cannot declare the trouble that I was
in about it; but yet back again I must go. As soon as I had the
opportunity, I took my Bible to read, and that quieting
Scripture came to my hand, "Be still, and know that I am God"
(Psalm 46.10). Which stilled my spirit for the present. But a
sore time of trial, I concluded, I had to go through, my master
being gone, who seemed to me the best friend that I had of an
Indian, both in cold and hunger, and quickly so it proved. Down
I sat, with my heart as full as it could hold, and yet so hungry
that I could not sit neither; but going out to see what I could
find, and walking among the trees, I found six acorns, and two
chestnuts, which were some refreshment to me. Towards night I
gathered some sticks for my own comfort, that I might not lie
a-cold; but when we came to lie down they bade me to go out, and
lie somewhere else, for they had company (they said) come in
more than their own. I told them, I could not tell where to go,
they bade me go look; I told them, if I went to another wigwam
they would be angry, and send me home again. Then one of the
company drew his sword, and told me he would run me through if
I did not go presently. Then was I fain to stoop to this rude
fellow, and to go out in the night, I knew not whither. Mine
eyes have seen that fellow afterwards walking up and down
Boston, under the appearance of a Friend Indian, and several
others of the like cut. I went to one wigwam, and they told me
they had no room. Then I went to another, and they said the
same; at last an old Indian bade me to come to him, and his
squaw gave me some ground nuts; she gave me also something to
lay under my head, and a good fire we had; and through the good
providence of God, I had a comfortable lodging that night. In
the morning, another Indian bade me come at night, and he would
give me six ground nuts, which I did. We were at this place and
time about two miles from Connecticut river. We went in
the morning to gather ground nuts, to the river, and went back
again that night. I went with a good load at my back (for they
when they went, though but a little way, would carry all their
trumpery with them). I told them the skin was off my back, but
I had no other comforting answer from them than this: that it
would be no matter if my head were off too.
The Thirteenth Remove
Instead of going toward the Bay, which was that I desired, I
must go with them five or six miles down the river into a mighty
thicket of brush; where we abode almost a fortnight. Here one
asked me to make a shirt for her papoose, for which she gave me
a mess of broth, which was thickened with meal made of the bark
of a tree, and to make it the better, she had put into it about
a handful of peas, and a few roasted ground nuts. I had not
seen my son a pretty while, and here was an Indian of whom I
made inquiry after him, and asked him when he saw him. He
answered me that such a time his master roasted him, and that
himself did eat a piece of him, as big as his two fingers, and
that he was very good meat. But the Lord upheld my Spirit,
under this discouragement; and I considered their horrible
addictedness to lying, and that there is not one of them that
makes the least conscience of speaking of truth. In this place,
on a cold night, as I lay by the fire, I removed a stick that
kept the heat from me. A squaw moved it down again, at which I
looked up, and she threw a handful of ashes in mine eyes. I
thought I should have been quite blinded, and have never seen
more, but lying down, the water run out of my eyes, and carried
the dirt with it, that by the morning I recovered my sight
again. Yet upon this, and the like occasions, I hope it is not
too much to say with Job, "Have pity upon me, O ye my Friends,
for the Hand of the Lord has touched me." And here I cannot but
remember how many times sitting in their wigwams, and musing on
things past, I should suddenly leap up and run out, as if I had
been at home, forgetting where I was, and what my condition was;
but when I was without, and saw nothing but wilderness, and
woods, and a company of barbarous heathens, my mind quickly
returned to me, which made me think of that, spoken concerning
Sampson, who said, "I will go out and shake myself as at other
times, but he wist not that the Lord was departed from him."
About this time I began to think that all my hopes of
restoration would come to nothing. I thought of the English
army, and hoped for their coming, and being taken by them, but
that failed. I hoped to be carried to Albany, as the Indians
had discoursed before, but that failed also. I thought of being
sold to my husband, as my master spake, but instead of that, my
master himself was gone, and I left behind, so that my spirit
was now quite ready to sink. I asked them to let me go out and
pick up some sticks, that I might get alone, and pour out my
heart unto the Lord. Then also I took my Bible to read, but I
found no comfort here neither, which many times I was wont to
find. So easy a thing it is with God to dry up the streams of
Scripture comfort from us. Yet I can say, that in all my
sorrows and afflictions, God did not leave me to have my
impatience work towards Himself, as if His ways were
unrighteous. But I knew that He laid upon me less than I
deserved. Afterward, before this doleful time ended with me, I
was turning the leaves of my Bible, and the Lord brought to me
some Scriptures, which did a little revive me, as that [in]
Isaiah 55.8: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither
are your ways my ways, saith the Lord." And also that [in]
Psalm 37.5: "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him;
and he shall bring it to pass." About this time they came
yelping from Hadley, where they had killed three Englishmen, and
brought one captive with them, viz. Thomas Read. They all
gathered about the poor man, asking him many questions. I
desired also to go and see him; and when I came, he was crying
bitterly, supposing they would quickly kill him. Whereupon I
asked one of them, whether they intended to kill him; he
answered me, they would not. He being a little cheered with
that, I asked him about the welfare of my husband. He told me
he saw him such a time in the Bay, and he was well, but very
melancholy. By which I certainly understood (though I suspected
it before) that whatsoever the Indians told me respecting him
was vanity and lies. Some of them told me he was dead, and they
had killed him; some said he was married again, and that the
Governor wished him to marry; and told him he should have his
choice, and that all persuaded I was dead. So like were these
barbarous creatures to him who was a liar from the beginning.
As I was sitting once in the wigwam here, Philip's maid came in
with the child in her arms, and asked me to give her a piece of
my apron, to make a flap for it. I told her I would not. Then
my mistress bade me give it, but still I said no. The maid told
me if I would not give her a piece, she would tear a piece off
it. I told her I would tear her coat then. With that my
mistress rises up, and take up a stick big enough to have killed
me, and struck at me with it. But I stepped out, and she struck
the stick into the mat of the wigwam. But while she was pulling
of it out I ran to the maid and gave her all my apron, and so
that storm went over.
Hearing that my son was come to this place, I went to see him,
and told him his father was well, but melancholy. He told me he
was as much grieved for his father as for himself. I wondered
at his speech, for I thought I had enough upon my spirit in
reference to myself, to make me mindless of my husband and
everyone else; they being safe among their friends. He told me
also, that awhile before, his master (together with other
Indians) were going to the French for powder; but by the way the
Mohawks met with them, and killed four of their company, which
made the rest turn back again, for it might have been worse with
him, had he been sold to the French, than it proved to be in his
remaining with the Indians.
I went to see an English youth in this place, one John Gilbert
of Springfield. I found him lying without doors, upon the
ground. I asked him how he did? He told me he was very sick of
a flux, with eating so much blood. They had turned him out of
the wigwam, and with him an Indian papoose, almost dead (whose
parents had been killed), in a bitter cold day, without fire or
clothes. The young man himself had nothing on but his shirt and
waistcoat. This sight was enough to melt a heart of flint.
There they lay quivering in the cold, the youth round like a
dog, the papoose stretched out with his eyes and nose and mouth
full of dirt, and yet alive, and groaning. I advised John to go
and get to some fire. He told me he could not stand, but I
persuaded him still, lest he should lie there and die. And with
much ado I got him to a fire, and went myself home. As soon as
I was got home his master's daughter came after me, to know what
I had done with the Englishman. I told her I had got him to a
fire in such a place. Now had I need to pray Paul's Prayer
"That we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men" (2
Thessalonians 3.2). For her satisfaction I went along with her,
and brought her to him; but before I got home again it was
noised about that I was running away and getting the English
youth, along with me; that as soon as I came in they began to
rant and domineer, asking me where I had been, and what I had
been doing? and saying they would knock him on the head. I told
them I had been seeing the English youth, and that I would not
run away. They told me I lied, and taking up a hatchet, they
came to me, and said they would knock me down if I stirred out
again, and so confined me to the wigwam. Now may I say with
David, "I am in a great strait" (2 Samuel 24.14). If I keep in,
I must die with hunger, and if I go out, I must be knocked in
head. This distressed condition held that day, and half the
next. And then the Lord remembered me, whose mercies are great.
Then came an Indian to me with a pair of stockings that were too
big for him, and he would have me ravel them out, and knit them
fit for him. I showed myself willing, and bid him ask my
mistress if I might go along with him a little way; she said
yes, I might, but I was not a little refreshed with that news,
that I had my liberty again. Then I went along with him, and he
gave me some roasted ground nuts, which did again revive my
feeble stomach.
Being got out of her sight, I had time and liberty again to look
into my Bible; which was my guide by day, and my pillow by
night. Now that comfortable Scripture presented itself to me,
"For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies
will I gather thee" (Isaiah 54.7). Thus the Lord carried me
along from one time to another, and made good to me this
precious promise, and many others. Then my son came to see me,
and I asked his master to let him stay awhile with me, that I
might comb his head, and look over him, for he was almost
overcome with lice. He told me, when I had done, that he was
very hungry, but I had nothing to relieve him, but bid him go
into the wigwams as he went along, and see if he could get any
thing among them. Which he did, and it seems tarried a little
too long; for his master was angry with him, and beat him, and
then sold him. Then he came running to tell me he had a new
master, and that he had given him some ground nuts already.
Then I went along with him to his new master who told me he
loved him, and he should not want. So his master carried him
away, and I never saw him afterward, till I saw him at
Piscataqua in Portsmouth.
That night they bade me go out of the wigwam again. My
mistress's papoose was sick, and it died that night, and there
was one benefit in it--that there was more room. I went to a
wigwam, and they bade me come in, and gave me a skin to lie
upon, and a mess of venison and ground nuts, which was a choice
dish among them. On the morrow they buried the papoose, and
afterward, both morning and evening, there came a company to
mourn and howl with her; though I confess I could not much
condole with them. Many sorrowful days I had in this place,
often getting alone. "Like a crane, or a swallow, so did I
chatter; I did mourn as a dove, mine eyes ail with looking
upward. Oh, Lord, I am oppressed; undertake for me" (Isaiah
38.14). I could tell the Lord, as Hezekiah, "Remember now O
Lord, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth."
Now had I time to examine all my ways: my conscience did not
accuse me of unrighteousness toward one or other; yet I saw how
in my walk with God, I had been a careless creature. As David
said, "Against thee, thee only have I sinned": and I might say
with the poor publican, "God be merciful unto me a sinner." On
the Sabbath days, I could look upon the sun and think how people
were going to the house of God, to have their souls refreshed;
and then home, and their bodies also; but I was destitute of
both; and might say as the poor prodigal, "He would fain have
filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat, and no
man gave unto him" (Luke 15.16). For I must say with him,
"Father, I have sinned against Heaven and in thy sight." I
remembered how on the night before and after the Sabbath, when
my family was about me, and relations and neighbors with us, we
could pray and sing, and then refresh our bodies with the good
creatures of God; and then have a comfortable bed to lie down
on; but instead of all this, I had only a little swill for the
body and then, like a swine, must lie down on the ground. I
cannot express to man the sorrow that lay upon my spirit; the
Lord knows it. Yet that comfortable Scripture would often come
to mind, "For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with
great mercies will I gather thee."
The Fourteenth Remove
Now must we pack up and be gone from this thicket, bending our
course toward the Baytowns; I having nothing to eat by the way
this day, but a few crumbs of cake, that an Indian gave my girl
the same day we were taken. She gave it me, and I put it in my
pocket; there it lay, till it was so moldy (for want of good
baking) that one could not tell what it was made of; it fell all
to crumbs, and grew so dry and hard, that it was like little
flints; and this refreshed me many times, when I was ready to
faint. It was in my thoughts when I put it into my mouth, that
if ever I returned, I would tell the world what a blessing the
Lord gave to such mean food. As we went along they killed a
deer, with a young one in her, they gave me a piece of the fawn.
and it was so young and tender, that one might eat the bones as
well as the flesh, and yet I thought it very good. When night
came on we sat down; it rained, but they quickly got up a bark
wigwam, where I lay dry that night. I looked out in the
morning, and many of them had lain in the rain all night, I saw
by their reeking. Thus the Lord dealt mercifully with me many
times, and I fared better than many of them. In the morning
they took the blood of the deer, and put it into the paunch, and
so boiled it. I could eat nothing of that, though they ate it
sweetly. And yet they were so nice in other things, that when
I had fetched water, and had put the dish I dipped the water
with into the kettle of water which I brought, they would say
they would knock me down; for they said, it was a sluttish
trick.
The Fifteenth Remove
We went on our travel. I having got one handful of ground nuts,
for my support that day, they gave me my load, and I went on
cheerfully (with the thoughts of going homeward), having my
burden more on my back than my spirit. We came to Banquang
river again that day, near which we abode a few days. Sometimes
one of them would give me a pipe, another a little tobacco,
another a little salt: which I would change for a little
victuals. I cannot but think what a wolvish appetite persons
have in a starving condition; for many times when they gave me
that which was hot, I was so greedy, that I should burn my
mouth, that it would trouble me hours after, and yet I should
quickly do the same again. And after I was thoroughly hungry,
I was never again satisfied. For though sometimes it fell out,
that I got enough, and did eat till I could eat no more, yet I
was as unsatisfied as I was when I began. And now could I see
that Scripture verified (there being many Scriptures which we do
not take notice of, or understand till we are afflicted) "Thou
shalt eat and not be satisfied" (Micah 6.14). Now might I see
more than ever before, the miseries that sin hath brought upon
us. Many times I should be ready to run against the heathen,
but the Scripture would quiet me again, "Shall there be evil in
a City and the Lord hath not done it?" (Amos 3.6). The Lord
help me to make a right improvement of His word, and that I
might learn that great lesson: "He hath showed thee (Oh Man)
what is good, and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do
justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with thy God? Hear ye
the rod, and who hath appointed it" (Micah 6.8-9).
The Sixteenth Removal
We began this remove with wading over Banquang river: the water
was up to the knees, and the stream very swift, and so cold that
I thought it would have cut me in sunder. I was so weak and
feeble, that I reeled as I went along, and thought there I must
end my days at last, after my bearing and getting through so
many difficulties. The Indians stood laughing to see me
staggering along; but in my distress the Lord gave me experience
of the truth, and goodness of that promise, "When thou passest
through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers,
they shall not overflow thee" (Isaiah 43.2). Then I sat down to
put on my stockings and shoes, with the tears running down mine
eyes, and sorrowful thoughts in my heart, but I got up to go
along with them. Quickly there came up to us an Indian, who
informed them that I must go to Wachusett to my master, for
there was a letter come from the council to the Sagamores, about
redeeming the captives, and that there would be another in
fourteen days, and that I must be there ready. My heart was so
heavy before that I could scarce speak or go in the path; and
yet now so light, that I could run. My strength seemed to come
again, and recruit my feeble knees, and aching heart. Yet it
pleased them to go but one mile that night, and there we stayed
two days. In that time came a company of Indians to us, near
thirty, all on horseback. My heart skipped within me, thinking
they had been Englishmen at the first sight of them, for they
were dressed in English apparel, with hats, white neckcloths,
and sashes about their waists; and ribbons upon their shoulders;
but when they came near, there was a vast difference between the
lovely faces of Christians, and foul looks of those heathens,
which much damped my spirit again.